the journey of letting go

It is never easy, since if it does, that means you never really care about it,

I really love the comfortable and the ease when everything seems to be okay and I could see where the future gonna be, but I forgot, there is an idiom, still waters run deep :) 

it took me more than a year, to accept the bitter truth of life, that each of us lives in our own world.

sometimes, our destiny will be on the same line, but we will never know for how long it gonna last, it might be just for a few hours on the train, or maybe it could last until the last day I am alive, one thing for sure, we would never know

The journey of letting go is the hardest track of my healing progress, and somehow now I am healed, there are still moments when the sadness comes, but there are also light, I could see the light and slight hope that everything will be ok, everything gonna be fine

I never imagine, I am in that state, too stressed to reach out, didn't know what to do or how to get out of that circle, but also this day, when I could recognize all the blessings, and start thinking about things positively, then I could say I forgive you since I need to move forward, and thank you for help me to open the other doors

and the funniest part is, the first 4 lines I wrote when I feel so overwhelmed with the situation, and the last 2 when I feel okay and enlightened, it just a few weeks (maybe days I forgot) apart, but yeah, believe it or not, your circumstances matter, it is important to choose wisely who you want to listen and connect with

may God always bless you :) 

With love,

Cia

Beautiful Pain, is it?

they said my life is wonderful

they said I should be grateful,

they said I am so lucky

I could smile today, I may look happy yesterday, 

but tonight I broke into pieces, as usual 

do they know?

I am lost in the maze of desperation

I tried my best to reach the surface, 

but it drained me out

should I give up, could I?

I'm so tired, I really do

oh God please help me

please take me back 

no one told me that adulting is this tough

and living in this world is harder than expected

so what should I do

how could I survive Lord

How to survive??

When you have the thought of giving up, do you feel the one you really want is survive and get rid of the pain so you didn't need to struggle with it anymore. Or do you want to be found and know that you are not alone in this cruel world.

This question keep come to my mind, what should I do to get through this situation, why this must be so painful that i feel like it killing me inside. But this morning I try to be grateful with my pillow, my blanket and bolster, and what future have for me in next few months, and this help me to get up from my bed. 

But, this only help me to wake into another sorrowful day after yesterday and my mind keep getting crazier day by day. So the next thing I try to do is seeking for help, but end up with disappointment and I realize that only God alone that can help me. He is not getting rid the pain out of me but He gives me hope to wait till the right time. I will never can get out from this mess without Him, and now I still try to recover myself.

comparing yourself with other will never bring you to anywhere because each of us have our own path, with ups and downs and there's always a way to survive (I wish)

Happy Sunday :)

Am I worth to live?

Kalau kata Katy Perry, "do you ever feel like a plastic bag?"

After a long time, I decide to write again, too many ups and downs to tell in this past few years but lately the downs hit me hard and I don't know how to face it. Give up is always be the option in my head but I know for sure it is not what I want. I keep googling how to get through every single things that happens in my life but I can't find the answer. 

Have been trying to talk with someone I trust the most and somehow it turn to be the worst thing I have ever imagine to be happen in my life. I keep asking myself, why, how and what should I do next? Maybe this time God want to remind me that to put my trust only in Him. 

Do you ever think that you are not worthy and ask God "why should I live?" is it because I am ungrateful or lack of love? Can you love someone when you did not love yourself?

Beberapa bulan terakhir, I always think that maybe the world is better without me, people around me will be happier, and I don't need to struggle with this pain anymore. But, is God will let you live if He didn't have a plan for you? Do you really lack of love or the love you craving is different with the love in your mind?

Probably the quarter life crisis is real, when you feel lonely with no one to talk with. Then you keep asking yourself can't you be happy. I used to think happiness is come with travel, shop and eat, hahaha silly me because it just last for awhile. After that, I thought that being with someone that understand you and caring each other is the happiness you can found in live, and it turns out to be the most painful feeling you can get in life. So I ask God again why I need to live and should I survive? they said what doesn't kill you will make you stronger, yet I wish this pain would kill me :)

Hope you have a nice day and thank you for your time :)

How to Nailed Management Trainee (MT) Program Recruitment?

 Hi everyone

so on this post I wanna share about my experiences on the recruitment process for management trainee program in general.

on 2019, I have applied for Management Trainee Program in few industries such as fast moving consumer good (FMCG) including cigarettes industry, banking also insurance companies. and when you want to join MT program, you should be ready if they want to hold your latest degree graduate certificate to make sure you won't leave the job in the middle of program.

usually the basic requirement for management trainee program are same (you should have a bachelor degree with GPA above 2.75 or 3.00 out of 4.00), your resume (remember to put your organization or internship experience), your document (graduate certificate, academic transcript, application letter, etc.).

so, if you have prepared all the documents, the next step is apply for the job. I used linkedin, jobstreet and kalibrr to look the vacancies and apply, few companies also want us to email them the documents and application letter. don't forget to make a good narration when you submit your application. and don't hesitate to apply everything that suits your expectation (you don't know which would be yours, and you have nothing to lose).

while waiting for the next steps, you can study and practice for the psychological test (which is the next step). lucky for me i got the call for all the tests in the same week, so i also can practice from the real test. I also practice the wartegg test (since almost every company used that) so i know what should i drew (people said don't draw any sharp objects, it would be better if you draw something alive like plants or animals, and be as creative as you can). 

be confidence in the interview section is a must, i suggest you learn a bit about the company profile and your job before the interview, the salary, also the organization structure. and prepare few questions for the interviewer.

oh, one more thing, don't forget to dress up for the test and interview, this might play part in your recruitment.

Good luck!