Am I worth to live?

Kalau kata Katy Perry, "do you ever feel like a plastic bag?"

After a long time, I decide to write again, too many ups and downs to tell in this past few years but lately the downs hit me hard and I don't know how to face it. Give up is always be the option in my head but I know for sure it is not what I want. I keep googling how to get through every single things that happens in my life but I can't find the answer. 

Have been trying to talk with someone I trust the most and somehow it turn to be the worst thing I have ever imagine to be happen in my life. I keep asking myself, why, how and what should I do next? Maybe this time God want to remind me that to put my trust only in Him. 

Do you ever think that you are not worthy and ask God "why should I live?" is it because I am ungrateful or lack of love? Can you love someone when you did not love yourself?

Beberapa bulan terakhir, I always think that maybe the world is better without me, people around me will be happier, and I don't need to struggle with this pain anymore. But, is God will let you live if He didn't have a plan for you? Do you really lack of love or the love you craving is different with the love in your mind?

Probably the quarter life crisis is real, when you feel lonely with no one to talk with. Then you keep asking yourself can't you be happy. I used to think happiness is come with travel, shop and eat, hahaha silly me because it just last for awhile. After that, I thought that being with someone that understand you and caring each other is the happiness you can found in live, and it turns out to be the most painful feeling you can get in life. So I ask God again why I need to live and should I survive? they said what doesn't kill you will make you stronger, yet I wish this pain would kill me :)

Hope you have a nice day and thank you for your time :)